Coupling

Coupling aired on the BBC from 2000-2004, apparently as England's answer to Friend's. Molliwogg turned me on to the series a couple months ago after watching a mini-marathon on BBC America. I wound up getting her the box set for her birthday and we've been engaged in our own marathon ever since. I don't think I've had this many tears in my eyes since Bush's reelection. Anyway, here are some quote from the series.

Jeff: She's leaving the country...she doesn't speak English...I insulted her friend's breasts...and she thinks I collect women's ears in a bucket.

Steve: [to Jeff] When you say things like nudity buffer, you actually expect people to know what you mean?
Jeff: Alright, when you first see a woman you like you have a buffer of about five minutes before you have fully mapped out what she looks like naked.
Patrick: A full five?
Jeff: You have to assess her nipple type and that takes time.
Patrick: Oh yeah good point.

Jeff: You know what having a girlfriend is like? Having a girlfriend is like legalized sex.
Steve: Jeff, sex is legal.
Jeff: You know what I mean, when I have sex with Julia, it's just so... realistic.

Sally: Bottoms are our natural enemy... They follow us around our entire lives, right behind us, and constantly growing. How do they do that? I'm sure mine's back there secretly snacking.

Jeff: When God made the arse, he didn't say, 'Hey, it's just your basic hinge, let's knock off early.' He said, 'Behold ye angels, I have created the arse. Throughout the ages to come, men and women shall grab hold of these, and shout my name!

Howard: I am gay! And I've always, always been gay! I was the sperm at the back shouting "No! Don't send me into that big scary cave!" I was the only sperm who had to be chased by the egg. Don't you get it? I'm gay.

Jeff: It must be alot easier being gay. Sex must be a piece of piss if you're gay.
Howard: Why's that?
Jeff: Well, see, if you're gay, right... if you're gay, masturbation is practice! You can have a good old practice on you're own, and when you're ready, when you got the hang of it, you have a go on someone else's.

Steve: What is this?
Susan: It's a cushion.
Steve: Right. Yes. Thank you for that. Very informative.
[to Jeff]
Steve: You got any of these?
Jeff: No.
Steve: Of course you haven't.
[to shop assistant]
Steve: You - are you married? Living with anyone?
Junior Shop Assistant: No.
Steve: Got any of these?
Junior Shop Assistant: No.
Steve: Of course not. Okay!
[to the women]
Steve: You bring these things into our homes. They sit on our chairs. They watch our televisions. Now, I just need to know, on behalf of all men everywhere, I just need to ask, please... What are they for? I mean, look at them! Look at the chubby little bastards! Just sitting around everywhere! What are they, pets for chairs?
[to shop assistants]
Steve: Come on, you sell them. What are they for?
Junior Shop Assistant: Well...
Senior Shop Assistant: You sit on them.
Steve: Ah! Ha ha ha! You see, that's where you're wrong! Nobody sits on them. Okay, watch this. Here's the cushion. I'm putting it on the sofa. Now watch me. I'm siting down. And what do I do on my final approach? I - oh! - move the cushion! You see? It's not involved! It's not part of the whole sitting process. It just lies there. It's fat litter! It's a sofa parasite!
Jane: It's, you know... padding.
Steve: Oh, padding! Now, that's interesting, Jane. See, I like padding. If I was, say, an American Football player, and all those big bastards running at me, I would say "give me some of that padding and be quick about it." If my job involved bouncing down jagged rocks I would say "in view of those jagged rocks down there, I'll have some of that padding, thank you very much." But Susan, Sally, Jane, this is a sofa. It is designed by clever scientists in such a way as to shield the unprotected user from the risk of skin abrasions, serious head trauma, and, of course...
[drops behind sofa, then sticks head out]
Steve: Daleks. Trust me girls, trust me on this one: you do not need padding to tackle upholstery. So please - once and for all, tell me why on Earth you would want me to sit on one of these?
Susan: Because, if you pressed it firmly against your bottom, it might stop you talking!

Sally: I hate having sex at home. I've got a listening flatmate.
Jane: Oh no, I hate those. Do you have to be really quiet for her?
Sally: No, I have to be really loud. We're very competitive.

Jeff: I am a prison for sperms. Those poor little tadpoles have been sentenced to life in Jeff Murdock's groin. And let me tell you, that can be a pretty lonely place.
Steve: I'm sure you always... lend a hand.
Jeff: Well, yeah, there's that. But that's not what the boys are wanting, is it? See, they want to think they're going somewhere when they go. I keep thinking about my brave lads all excited on the launch pad, and then suddenly it's "Uhh, no! Daylight!"

Sally: [Trying to explain to Patrick what platonic friendship with a woman is] What do you call people you go out with but don't try to sleep with?
Patrick: [beat] Men.

Jeff: I need breasts with brains. I don't mean individual brains, obviously... I mean, not a brain each. You know, I like intelligent women, but you've got to draw the line somewhere... I think breast brains would be over-egging the woman pudding.

Tags: coupling, bbc, quotes, m/a/z/e

Labels: quotes, TV

posted by m/a/z/e  [4:00 AM]   0 comments