Sunday, June 04, 2006
More Celebrity Sex Dreams.
First Tina Turner, now Ricky Gervais.
Not sure what's up with my nocturnal subconscious, but things are getting out of control.
Last night's outing starred Ricky Gervais - David Brent from BBC's The Office - trying to con Molliwogg and myself into a threesome.
Just to make it a bit more Freudian, the whole scene went down in my mom's old house in Anchorage.
It started out pleasantly enough - we were having a great conversation with Ricky in the living room, when he starts dropping hints that he would like to take the lead in a three-way dance. Now I've found stranger things in my bed than British comedians, and I'm a huge fan of The Office (again, the BBC version, not the pitiful NBC clone), but getting down and dirty with David Brent just isn't in the cards - dreaming or not.
After trying to politely change the subject several times, I finally have to tell him straight out that sex is out the question. He didn't take the news well. Gervais totally flipped out and went on a rant about how the only reason he showed up was to have a threesome. Homeboy worked himself into such a tizzy that I thought I was going to have to take him out. Then he stormed out of the house.
You'd think the dream would return to some semblance of normality at this point, but you'd be wrong. No sooner had our horny Englishman left the house than I hear the tell-tale sounds of a beltsander firing up (as if I know what a beltsander sounds like, but that's beside the point). I rushed outside to find my garage door open and Gervais stalking towards my car, beltsander in hand.
Luckily, the sander was plugged into the interior of the garage and I was able to fend him off by closing the garage door and rushing over to unplug the sander.
I woke up shortly after that.
Welcome to my world.
Labels: Dreams
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Dreaming is Free
I need to start writing down my dreams first thing in the morning. I've always had pretty weird dreams (freaky dreams about Muppets, turning into either Huey, Duey or Louie, killing space aliens in the local Pay-n-Save, a series of connected teeth shattering dreams, etc.), but over the last week the shit has hit the fan.
I've forgotten most of them soon after I woke up. Each time I told Molliwogg, but she can't remember either. I do remember the salient points about two of the dreams though.
In the first one, I'm trapped in a mall located on a beach. Why is the mall located on the beach? I don't know. Why am I trapped inside? Because King Kong keeps coming out of the water Godzilla-style every time I try and leave. He even fights a dinosaur on the beach, scaring the pants off everyone in the process. At the least the dream is staying true to the movie.
I'm still a little foggy about the overall plot of the second dream. All I remember is that it involved Conan O'Brien going postal throwing bombs everywhere while flying on a magic carpet. To be honest I'm not sure if I want to know what was happening in that one.
I'm down with a little surrealism to help pass the time, but this is getting out of hand.
Labels: Dreams
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
Freudian Nightmare
While I cannot for the life of me remember the plot of my latest dream, a few highlights do stand out...
- For some reason we were staying at my mother's house. My wife and I were sleeping in her room, while her ex was sleeping in my bed.
- The ex was running some sort of drug ring out of the house.
- The terrain of the area was a combination of Anchorage, Alaska, and Seattle, Washington.
- I watched several hoods set bonfires, then later set themselves on fire and dance in a field.
- All the cops drove unmarked Cadillac's. And there were a lot of cops.
- There were also a lot of purple nurples. This disturbs me more than the cops.
- I may or may not have run someone over in my dream.
If you somehow manage to connect those dots, please see a specialist at your earliest convenience.
Labels: Dreams
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
Dreamtime
Last night I had this dream there was a castle built into the cliffs one what appeared to be Highway 101. This was a full on Lord of the Rings, spooky Middle Earth set-up. Adjacent to the castle was a small Italian village overrun by giant pink and gray parrots. The parrots were pretty cool and the villagers didn't seem to mind, but no one could tell me anything about the castle.
Labels: Dreams
Monday, May 31, 2004
Calling Dr. Freud
- Dream #1, 05.30.04 -
I'm in my living room building a musical instrument comprised of a bunch of buttons, buzzers and doorbells affixed to an upside down bucket. This instrument is to be a present for professional wrestler, Randy "Macho Man" Savage, each button triggering a different pitched version of his catchphrase, "Ooooh yeah." A few days from now, my friend John is getting married on top of the hill behind my house. (In reality John has been married longer than I have.) From the living room I can see John with the rest of the bachelor party on the hill. Assuming I'm missing out on some official event, I grab a shotgun and head out to say hi. This is not just any shotgun mind you, but an all white beauty with 1970's style red and blue streaking stars painted across the stock. To get to the top of the hill, you have to go through the parking lot for a pair of tennis courts that double as the entrance to some tourist trap. I make my way up the hill, passing hundreds of Japanese tourists in the process. No one seems to mind I'm packing heat. I greet John at the top of the hill and he explains to me that the bachelor party has been postponed until after the wedding. I found this a little strange and was about to say so when the wedding planner he hired starts creeping towards me, eyeballing my gun. Ridiculously uncomfortable, I decide it's best to leave the area. As I turned to walk away, I awoke.
- Dream #2, Date Unknown -
I'm in Seattle trying to find this kick-ass hotel I stayed in a few years ago. For transportation I'm riding a modified Segway. It's like a traditional Segway, only the steering column is covered in some kind of foam padding that goes up way past my head. Instead of gripping the handles, you just sort of hug the column and enjoy the ride. I'm having a hard time finding the hotel, so I'm stopping at all these different stores asking directions. (It doesn't help that "Seattle" is a mix of the real Emerald City and various parts of Portland, Oregon.) No matter what door I go into, all the stores are S&M shops, full of whips and chains, restraints, and the occasional customer tied to the wall. The people seem pretty cool and everyone has interesting tattoos, but no one has heard of the hotel. I wake up without ever knowing its location.
A card carrying member of the little known Disco Division of the NRA in one dream, gallivanting about the greater Seattle area on a giant mobile penis in the next. With all due respect to Henny Youngman, "take my subconscious, please."
Labels: Dreams
Wednesday, June 11, 2003
Welcome to my Nightmare
Today started with a freaky dream about some gorilla's that lived in an apartment building by a lake and kept attacking people. Somehow I wound up in their building-it looked pretty much like what you'd think an apartment building would like like if a bunch of murderous silverbacks took over. I woke up after I saw the alter of human heads. Do normal people have dreams like this?
If reincarnation exists, what did Tiny Tim turn into?
Does it strike anyone as strange that there are thousands, if not millions, of diehard extreme sports athletes in videogame form only? Tony Hawk sold how many copies? Of the purchasers (myself included) how many would actually pick up a skateboard, much less attempt any of the "tricks?" I know I wouldn't. Granted these videogames sell worldwide, but it's kind of hard to make an argument against the "lazy American" stereotype when rather than actually participate in sports and exercise we're content to play the home version. How long before we see Mario Pilates or Lara Croft in Tae Bo Raider?
Don't even get me started on SIMS.Labels: Dreams, Random
Wednesday, April 16, 2003
Latest Dreams
I'm trying to turn John Belushi onto the Revolting Cocks, but he keeps handing me the wrong album.
I've got two ovens turned up all the way, each contains one body. There's a garage sale going on, and the customers want to know when the brownies they smell will be ready. I smile and light some incense. I have no idea who is in the ovens or why I put them there.
Labels: Dreams, Personal
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