Saturday, July 31, 2004
Ingredients: Soap
My daughter came up with this one today.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
And they all died,
Because of you.
WTF?
I picked up some Irish Spring soap the other day-I'm half Irish so it only seems fitting to smell like the motherland and as of yet they do not have Mexican Spring soap. I happen to flip over the box and see the ingredients, the very first ingredient listed was soap. Go figure. Is that really necessary? I would think the word soap on the box more or less implies that what's inside is indeed soap. Anyway, it struck as a bit weird.
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Martini
Artichoke Plant
News from India
"Pakistan's intelligence officials knew in advance about the 9/11 attacks, a well-known American analyst has said, based on a ''stunning document'' that he claims was given by a Pakistani source to the 9/11 Commission on the eve of the publication of its report.
The document, from a high-level, but anonymous Pakistani source, also claims that Osama bin Laden has been receiving periodic dialysis in a military hospital in Peshawar, says Arnaud de Borchgrave, editor-at-large of the news agency UPI. - The Times of India
"Official statistics do not include casualties among non-U.S. nationals who sign up to serve in the American armed forces in order to get a U.S. `green card.' According to reliable information the share of non-Americans in the U.S. force in Iraq may be as high as 60 per cent," the source said.
"The real number of U.S. losses may be as high as 2,000 casualties and up to 12,000 wounded," the military diplomat said. - The Hindu
I wonder how much of this is accurate? Certainly can't be any worse than what passes for news here.
May all your dreams be wonderful
So I'm watching the Democratic National Convention last night, and for a while all is good. The speakers are all fairly interesting (who thought Al Gore could actually be funny?) and the music was sufficiently lame as to be appropriate for mass consumption. Then Bill Clinton came on, and all hell broke loose.
Don't get me wrong, Clinton was definitely in the zone as far as speechmaking. It was the camera shots that I had a problem with. It went a little something like this...
Bill Clinton: Blah, blah, blah.
Audience: Applause.
Bill Clinton: Blah, blah, blah.
Tom Brokaw (hushed golf voiceover): The democrats have gathered the heavyweights for this evening.
Bill Clinton (continuing): ...blah, blah, blah.
The camera cuts to Jerry Springer. Jerry fucking Springer, democratic heavyweight.
Me (in my best Sam Kinison voice): Aaaaaaaahh! Owww! Aaaahhh. Make it stop!
Back to Clinton.
Clinton: ...blah, blah, blah.
They cut to him at least one more time during Clinton's speech, accomplishing something reading the Hannibal Lecter trilogy could not, completely ruining any chance of nightmare-free sleep for the next month. Jerry Springer. Dear god. There's a face to win over the independent vote.
Monday, July 26, 2004
The secret lives of pro wrestlers: II
"Berner, sought in the shooting of a Michigan police officer, killed himself about 5 a.m. in the apartment on Jacksonville's Southside, U.S. Deputy Marshal Ken Staub said. The bullet ripped through Berner's head, pierced a wall and bounced off an officer's arm as the strike team ran upstairs.
...
Berner, 33, a disgraced U.S. Marine and a pro wrestler who used the stage name Vic Vengeance, led authorities on a nationwide chase after being accused of killing a police officer in Sterling Heights, Mich., June 4. Officer Mark Sawyers, a 30-year-old husband and father of one, was killed in his patrol car on a Friday night by a single shotgun blast to the head. Police said Berner wanted Sawyers' handgun because it was more concealable for use in robberies, and that he fled in a red 1994 Chevrolet Camaro. He also robbed banks, Staub said. - The Florida Times-Union
So I guess you can add cop-killer to post-wrestling occupations.
Sunday, July 25, 2004
Moore Accepted
"Moore said Saturday that the Democratic Party is welcoming him, even though he first believed a "low-level, disgruntled person" was trying to deny him the access he sought to the convention."- Michigan Live
Ah, what a difference 24 hours makes.
Interview with Damien Echols
The Stranger in Seattle has a rare interview with Damien Echols, it's worth a read. As always check out the Free the West Memphis Three website for more details and information on the case. You can also read my interview with Mara Leveritt, author of Devil's Knot regarding the case by clicking here.
The ever present Oregon connection
"Jennings, a resident at Churchill Estates retirement center, is the grandmother of Ken Jennings, an unassuming, 30-year-old software engineer from Utah whose unprecedented "Jeopardy!" winning streak has catapulted him to fame. He's been interviewed on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno," "Late Show With David Letterman" and the network morning shows. A Google search with his name and the keyword "Jeopardy" yields 24,100 hits, including a site called 'The Cult of Ken Jennings.'" - Eugene Register-Guard
Was there ever any doubt someone would find an Oregon connection to this story? From tornadoes to train wrecks, if it makes the news we will find a way to put a local spin on it.
Saturday, July 24, 2004
Revenge of the Sith
And the Star Wars geeks rejoiced, Episode III finally has a title. May the Shwartz be with you.
Moore Denied
"The famed filmmaker who delivered a major assault on the Bush administration in his blockbuster film "Fahrenheit 9/11" was declined credentials to the Democratic National Convention in Boston next week, according to Sam Riddle, a longtime political consultant and friend of Moore.
...
Traditionally, Moore has not had a chummy relationship with either major parties. He was a vocal critic of Democrats and Republicans - calling them virtually indistinguishable - in the 2000 presidential election when he actively campaigned on behalf of Ralph Nader on the Green Party ticket." Michigan Live
Thursday, July 22, 2004
Artichoke
Naughty Bits
View Askew
With the pump of a finger, the View-Master has given generations a 3-D look at everything from man's first moonwalk to the adventures of SpongeBob SquarePants.
The iconic toy occupies a place in the National Toy Hall of Fame, alongside Barbie and Mr. Potato Head, and has inspired many a Web site. This year, it achieves another mark of success, its 65th anniversary.
...
The public got its first good look at View-Master at the 1940 World's Fair in New York, a year after its creator, amateur stereo photographer William Gruber, introduced it in Portland, Ore. By 1941, more than 100,000 stores were carrying it. - Yahoo
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
The secret lives of pro wrestlers.
Yesterday The Portland Tribune ran an article on the current whereabouts of Portland wrestlers 'Playboy' Buddy Rose (inventor of the world famous Blow-Away Diet) and Colonel DeBeers. It got me thinking about what is probably the most fascinating aspect of pro wrestling...retirement.
Everybody knows about Jesse 'The Body' Ventura, so we're going to go ahead and skip him.
The former Brutus 'The Barber' Beefcake left the squared circle to become Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority fare collector, Ed Leslie. That is until he left his stash of cocaine sitting in his booth, setting off an anthrax scare.
The artist formerly known as The One Man Gang and Akeem the African Dream is now guarding death row prisoners in Louisiana.
Former Killer Bee B. Brian Blair is running for the county commissioner seat in Hillsborough County, Florida. Former WWF champion Bob Backlund tried his hand in politics as well, running for congress in the 1st District of Connecticut and garnering 30% of the vote.
Believe it or not, a large number of pro wrestlers have gone on to join the ministry. 'The Million Dollar Man' Ted DiBiase tours the country with his Heart of David ministries, and has recently started the WWE (World Wide Electronic Church). 'The Russian Nightmare' Nikita Koloff also has a ministry and frequently makes appearances across the country. Former member of the Four Horseman, Tully Blanchard, has somewhat ironically become a man of the cloth.
Everyone's favorite Eric Draven wannabe, Sting has come out of retirement not to preach the gospel, but to wrestle for it, most notably against the Nine Deadly Sins.
Both Road Warrior Animal and Diamond Dallas Page have found new life as motivational speakers and are available for your church, youth group, or seminar.
For my money, the trump card goes to Mick Foley. As the first professional wrestler to hit number one on the New York Times best seller list with his autobiography Have a Nice Day, Mick has set new standards for life after wrestling. Since leaving wrestling the former Mankind has added a sequel to Have a Nice Day entitled, Foley is Good (And the Real World is Faker Than Pro Wrestling), as well as a novel, Tietam Brown and a children's book.
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
American Standard
And the ass saw the angel.
"Nobody wants to be the war president. I want to be the peace president." George W. Bush 07.20.04
"I'm a war president. I make decisions here in the Oval Office in foreign policy matters with war on my mind," he said in February. - Yahoo
Somebody needs to get him a coloring book.
Fear Factor
You know who scares me? Heather Locklear. It is entirely possible that she will remain on TV for the rest of human existence. Through syndication and the use of a dozen or so cagey animatronics Heatherbots, she will outlive every single one of us. She must be stopped.
Monday, July 19, 2004
St. Johns Sunset
Sunday, July 18, 2004
TV Fishbowl
The Cathedral Park Jazz Festival has been playing a few feet from my house for the last three days, making things a tad surreal. Suddenly every move in this house is accompanied by a light jazz soundtrack, every conversation accented with mood music. Every six minutes or so there is a round of applause, all we need is a laugh track we'll have our own sitcom. How bizarre.
Friday, July 16, 2004
Neon
Skulls
This Land Is Your Land/JibJab
"This land is your land, this land is my land, from the liberal wieners to the right-wing nut jobs, this land belongs to you and me." (JibJab.com)
That has got to be the funniest thing I've seen since Bush & Cheney as the Dukes of Hazzard.
Thursday, July 15, 2004
Old School
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
Purple & Green
Dreamtime
Last night I had this dream there was a castle built into the cliffs one what appeared to be Highway 101. This was a full on Lord of the Rings, spooky Middle Earth set-up. Adjacent to the castle was a small Italian village overrun by giant pink and gray parrots. The parrots were pretty cool and the villagers didn't seem to mind, but no one could tell me anything about the castle.
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
Kruger's Farm
Tao Te Ching - Chapter 46
When a country is in harmony with the Tao,
the factories make trucks and tractors.
When a country goes counter to the Tao,
warheads are stockpiled outside the cities.
There is no greater illusion than fear,
no greater wrong than preparing to defend yourself,
no greater misfortune than having an enemy.
Whoever can see through all the fear
will always be safe.
Monday, July 12, 2004
Raspberry
Blackberries
Regarding Gay Marriage
"First they came for the Communists, but I was not a Communist, so I did not speak out. Then they came for the Socialists and the trade unionists, but I was neither, so I did not speak out. Then they came for the Jews, but I was not a Jew, so I did not speak out. And when they came for me, there was no one left to speak out for me." - Martin Niemoeller
Play it again Sam. And again, and...
Am I the only one sick of hearing The Dandy Warhols "Bohemian Like You" played about fifty times a day schlepping cars for GM? Granted they finally have a stateside audience that can actually fill one of the cars featured in the ad, an audience that will be gone in a few weeks when the ad finishes its run, but enough is enough. The surest way to kill a once good song is to turn it into a thirty-second jingle. Still, I guess it is a good thing for the economy, with the money they got from GM, they can spend even more time in the Northwest Triangle buying cheap beer and unwittingly providing the entertainment for the rest of the patrons.
Sunday, July 11, 2004
Should've seen it coming.
- "U.S. counterterrorism officials are looking at an emergency proposal on the legal steps needed to postpone the November presidential election in case of an attack by al Qaeda, Newsweek reported on Sunday.
...
In his letter, Soaries pointed out that while New York's Board of Elections suspended primary elections in New York on the day of the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks, "the federal government has no agency that has the statutory authority to cancel and reschedule a federal election."
Soaries wants Ridge to ask Congress to pass legislation giving the government such power, Newsweek reported in its latest issue that hits the newsstands on Monday." - Yahoo
"The prospect that Al Qaeda might seek to disrupt the U.S. election was a major factor behind last week's terror warning by Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge. Ridge and other counterterrorism officials concede they have no intel about any specific plots. But the success of March's Madrid railway bombings in influencing the Spanish elections -as well as intercepted "chatter" among Qaeda operatives - has led analysts to conclude "they want to interfere with the elections," says one official." MSNBC
"If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator." - George W. Bush
Saturday, July 10, 2004
Nardwuar vs.
Nardwuar rules.
Friday, July 09, 2004
Newspeak + Newmath
"Former Enron Corp. chairman Ken Lay turned himself in to authorities, after a federal grand jury indicted him in connection with the fraud that led to the collapse of the energy giant." - Yahoo
+
"While the White House has repeatedly described former Enron chairman Kenneth Lay as simply a "supporter" of George W. Bush, extensive correspondence between the two men paints a far cozier picture of their relationship, according to copies of letters obtained this afternoon (2/15) by The Smoking Gun." - The Smoking Gun
+
Military payroll records that could more fully document President Bush's whereabouts during his service in the Texas Air National Guard were inadvertently destroyed, according to the Pentagon. - Yahoo
=
"Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge issued another general terrorism warning Thursday, saying Al Qaeda was moving ahead with plans to carry out a major attack in the United States to disrupt the November elections." - Yahoo
- Extra Credit -
Which best describes the definition of accountability:
A) Dictionary.com
B) Whistleblower.org
C) Curious George
- Double Jeopardy -
(Answer in the form of a question please.)
- House Republicans used an extra-long vote to derail a drive to weaken the USA Patriot Act, handing a campaign-season victory to President Bush and angering Democrats and GOP conservatives who led the unsuccessful effort.
"You win some, and some get stolen," said conservative Rep. C.L. Butch Otter, R-Idaho.
He was a lead sponsor of the provision that would have prevented authorities from using the anti-terrorism law to demand information on book buyers and library users. - AP
Thursday, July 08, 2004
Rusty Tanks
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
Alien
Etcetera
"This is a shining example of how out of touch the Democratic Party is, it should be Edwards/Kerry instead of Kerry/Edwards.
I read that on a message board somewhere and it pretty much sums up my feelings on the whole matter. If the 2000 election was The Empire Strikes Back, the foursome involved in this election must represent Revenge of the Nerds III.
George W. Bush nerd, and current resident of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue turned 58 yesterday. A birthday he shares with Sylvester Stallone and Fred Dryer of Hunter fame, both of whom would make a better president than Curious George.
Speaking of Stallone, I had just finished my bi-annual Rocky marathon (I-III only, I'm not a masochist), when I came across this on CNN.
"PHILADELPHIA, Pennsylvania (AP) -- Decades after the movie "Rocky" first aired in cinemas worldwide, tourists still flock to Philadelphia's Art Museum to charge up the steps like the fictional boxer played by Sylvester Stallone." - CNN
Admittedly it doesn't take much to amuse me, but I could hang out there for hours watching people do that. It's bizarre and enduring at the same time, kind of like Stallone. Happy 58th Sly.
Coincidently enough, 58 is the exact number of seconds it took for Spiderman II to knock Fahrenheit 9/11 from top spot of the movies last week. Marking the only time in my life when I've seen the number one and number two movie in America in the same week, we went to go see Spiderman II yesterday. I've never been a big comic book fan and had no real opinion on Spidey one way of the other, but damn that was a killer movie.
And that's all I have to say. Go about your business.
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
God, Man, Dog, Woman.
SAPULPA, Okla.-- A convicted rapist has been sentenced to life in prison for spitting on a police officer.
Creek County Associate District Judge April Sellers White followed the recommendation of a jury for the maximum sentence against John C. Marquez under a law that makes it a felony to place bodily fluids on law enforcement officers.-Houston Chronicle
So raping a woman doesn't warrant a life sentence, but spitting on a cop does? How fucked up is that?
**Extra-special brownie points for anyone who gets the title reference.**
Monday, July 05, 2004
Red Peppers II
Freddy's Garden Section
Moore, Moore, Moore
"If these things represent what it means to be an American these days - and I am an American - should I hang my head in shame? No. Instead, I intend to perform what I believe is my patriotic duty. I can't think of a more American thing to do than raise questions - and demand truthful answers - when our leader wants to send our sons and daughters off to die in a war.
If we don't do that - the bare minimum - for those who offer to defend our country, then we have failed them and ourselves. They offer to die for us, if necessary, so that we can be free. All they ask in return is that we never send them into harm's way unless it is absolutely necessary. And with this war, we have broken faith with our troops by sending them off to be killed and maimed for wrong and immoral reasons." - from The Patriot's Act by Michael Moore.
I watched Fahrenheit 9/11 last week and it blew me away. Is it propaganda? Maybe. Is it slanted? Yes. Does it make you think? Most definitely. Out of the three questions, it is the last that is the most important. By now you've read or heard from a thousand critics and fans a thousand times over in regards to this movie, there's very little that I can add that has not been said. I do, however, have one suggestion for Mr. Moore. For the DVD release of Fahrenheit 9/11 (when the real damage will be done) I would offer two versions; the theatrical release, and another stripped of all narration and captions. I think the opportunity for the viewing public to see the two versions side by side will settle the debate over the bias of the film. While you may not agree with Moore's point of view, his opinion, or his politics, it's awfully hard to find fault in the raw footage he presents. Keep on kicking against the pricks Michael.
Sunday, July 04, 2004
Are certain lives worth less?
I live in densely packed urban neighborhood characterized by mainly expensive single family homes with modest yards to house the higher end urban yuppie, the occasional medium-sized stretch of kitschy apartment buildings to house a predominantly hipster set and pockets of smaller niche business and urban shopping to service the neighborhood and draw the 'burbs dwellers in so they can be hip too. A nice grid with an abundance of four way stops, a smattering of lights and streets that have all the intersections safely regulated.
I have a friend who lives in a neighborhood with the same mix of building types and streets. The only differences are the average incomes and the ethnic mix, as there is one. Not that my neighborhood is racists, if you can afford to live there or luck out on the cheap crappy apartment like we did you are welcomed with open arms. It's all about the Benjamins.
On my way to my friend's house I got lost, unfortunately, I do that a lot. Anyway I turned down a street I thought was his about ten blocks, or one freeway exit early. When I realized my error I continued through the neighborhood rather than get back on the main street. Those ten blocks were very uncomfortable because almost none of the intersections were regulated. When you aren't sure who is supposed to stop at a four way intersection there is a nagging little fear that someone is going to come sailing through right when you are in the middle. Smack!
I am just curious why a city can afford stop signs for the wealthy but the poor and minorities risk being t-boned every day as they leave for work. Is it all about the Benjamins?
- Molliwogg
Flowerworks
Flowerworks II
Saturday, July 03, 2004
Red Peppers
Thursday, July 01, 2004
Water Tower V
Water Tower IV
How Republicans Read: My Life
Pages 12-13: The words, "throwing the knife," "I," "Vince Foster," "remembered," "died," "at," "was not the only person bad things happened to," "cruel and humiliating to the weak," "I," "was," "he," "he," and "that's why," clearly spell out Clinton's complicity in the death of Vince Foster. A little rearranging and you have, "I remembered throwing the knife at Vince Foster, that's why he died. He was not the only person bad things happened to, I was cruel and humiliating to the weak." It doesn't get any clearer than that folks, Clinton obviously murdered Vince Foster. Ignore the bit about the knife, he's just trying to throw the reader off the scent.
Page 13: The following words, "Hope's melons," "just under 200 pounds," "I kept up with her for years," "I" "still," "remember," "peering," "at" "she" and "was." Again, one merely has to crack the thinly veiled Clintonese to see what he's really saying, "I still remember peering at Hope's melons, she was just under 200 pounds. I kept up with her for years." It is apparent that Mr. Clinton's penchant for husky women goes back much farther than the Moo-nica Lewinsky scandal.
Page 209: "Billie was a big part of my life until the day we buried her." Hear that? That's the sound of the Clinton Body Count going up one notch.
Page 214: "When Carl and I got back from Fayetteville, I was higher than a kite." A shameless admission from the man who said he didn't inhale. He lied! Again! We must impeach him again! Somebody call Ken Starr.
Now that President Bush has secured your unemployment, you will have plenty of time to think about what a bad guy this Clinton character was. Use your time wisely and you too can learn to read between the lines. (Or at the very least, learn to pick out the best parts). I'm currently on page 214, but if I discover any more confessions, and I'm sure I will, then by golly, I'll update you immediately.
(With thanks to my Little Orphan Annie Republican Decoder ring for all its help with the translations. Hail to the thief!)
And now for something completely different, a catfish with a basketball stuck in its mouth.
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