Monday, May 31, 2004
Calling Dr. Freud
- Dream #1, 05.30.04 -
I'm in my living room building a musical instrument comprised of a bunch of buttons, buzzers and doorbells affixed to an upside down bucket. This instrument is to be a present for professional wrestler, Randy "Macho Man" Savage, each button triggering a different pitched version of his catchphrase, "Ooooh yeah." A few days from now, my friend John is getting married on top of the hill behind my house. (In reality John has been married longer than I have.) From the living room I can see John with the rest of the bachelor party on the hill. Assuming I'm missing out on some official event, I grab a shotgun and head out to say hi. This is not just any shotgun mind you, but an all white beauty with 1970's style red and blue streaking stars painted across the stock. To get to the top of the hill, you have to go through the parking lot for a pair of tennis courts that double as the entrance to some tourist trap. I make my way up the hill, passing hundreds of Japanese tourists in the process. No one seems to mind I'm packing heat. I greet John at the top of the hill and he explains to me that the bachelor party has been postponed until after the wedding. I found this a little strange and was about to say so when the wedding planner he hired starts creeping towards me, eyeballing my gun. Ridiculously uncomfortable, I decide it's best to leave the area. As I turned to walk away, I awoke.
- Dream #2, Date Unknown -
I'm in Seattle trying to find this kick-ass hotel I stayed in a few years ago. For transportation I'm riding a modified Segway. It's like a traditional Segway, only the steering column is covered in some kind of foam padding that goes up way past my head. Instead of gripping the handles, you just sort of hug the column and enjoy the ride. I'm having a hard time finding the hotel, so I'm stopping at all these different stores asking directions. (It doesn't help that "Seattle" is a mix of the real Emerald City and various parts of Portland, Oregon.) No matter what door I go into, all the stores are S&M shops, full of whips and chains, restraints, and the occasional customer tied to the wall. The people seem pretty cool and everyone has interesting tattoos, but no one has heard of the hotel. I wake up without ever knowing its location.
A card carrying member of the little known Disco Division of the NRA in one dream, gallivanting about the greater Seattle area on a giant mobile penis in the next. With all due respect to Henny Youngman, "take my subconscious, please."
Moo!
Reflection
With a Rebel Yell
The Dukes of Hazzard on DVD? How cool is that?
Quoting Sagan
"In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe." - Carl Sagan 1934-1996
Saturday, May 29, 2004
Gargoyle
School Funding
Friday, May 28, 2004
Driveway Plant
Rave Monkey
Thursday, May 27, 2004
Devil Ducky
Something Yellow
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
Quote
"The Master has mastered nature; not in the sense of conquering it, but of becoming it."
The Campaign for Real Rock
Don't try so hard to be different
The cracks are beginning to show
You drift like a cloud
Through the festival crowd
In a frock coat from Saville Row
You've just been to an all-night party
Where I have to admit it takes pluck
To go out of the floor
And proclaim 'What a bore'
In a T-shirt that reads 'Disco Sucks'
Yes, here he comes, the not-so-young
Pretender to the throne
He's singing 'Rag, Momma, Rag'
Won't you give that poor dog a bone?
And he's wondering why we can't connect
When he's sworn to us that he's totally wrecked
On the rustic charm that he affects
On a public schoolboy whim
With a raggle taggle plastic gypsy
Robert Zimmerman
With a synthesized accordion
A-scramblin' up my brain
With a fiddle-dee-dee
A fiddle on high
Excuse me folks while I kiss the sky
Or at any rate give it one more try
Before I die
Before I die
The overrated hit the stage
Overpaid and over here
And their idea on counter-culture's
Momma's charge accounts at Sears
And they're wondering why we can't connect
With the ritual of the trashed guitar
One more paltry empty gesture
The ashes of a burned out star
Yes here they come, both old and young
A contact low or high
The gathering of the tribes descending
Vultures from a caustic sky
The rotting carcass of July
an ugly sun hung out to dry
Your gorgeous hippy dreams are dying
Your frazzled brains are putrefying
Repackaged, sold and sanitized
The devil's music exorcised
You live, you die, you lie, you lie, you die
Perpetuate the lie
Just perpetuate the lie
Yes yes yes it's the summer festival
The truly detestableSummer festival - Edwin Collins
Luke Skywalker
- To Do List:
* Destroy first Death Star. Check
* Tell woman you shared not one, but two passionate kisses with that you are her brother. Check
* Bring father back from dark side, kill the empower. Check
* Beat the snot out of that jerk down at the local pub. Check
- "Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny."
Crucifix II
Crucifix
Monday, May 24, 2004
Draft McCain
"As everyone in this room knows, our fiscal future can only be described as bleak. We have a projected deficit of over $521 billion and we continue to spend, and spend, and spend. Lately more and more comment about how Republicans and Democrats can't find any common ground and I myself have lamented on how nasty and partisan Washington has become. Well, I stand corrected, because there is one thing which unites Republicans and Democrats: Fiscal irresponsibility has become the great unifier of late, and for that we should all be ashamed.
I am a proud Republican. I'm a Barry Goldwater Republican. I revere Ronald Reagan and his party of limited government. Sadly, that party is no longer. The current version of the Republican party is engaged in an outrageous spending binge and they'e being steadied and encouraged by the Democrats. It used to be understood that no one ever voted for a Democrat to be a champion of fiscal responsibility. But at this point, is there a party to take up that worthy cause?" - Senator John McCain
How this guy lost out to Bush in the primaries I'll never know. Well, scratch that I do know, Karl Rove. Out of everyone, Democrat, Republican or otherwise, John McCain is the only one making any sense to me. Kerry is a dork, Bush is a dork as well, just in a more evil, let's kill all our children kind of way. I'll gladly accept Kerry as the lesser of two evils, but he comes across as too much of a politician, and politicians are not to be trusted. Someone like McCain running for president would be enough for me to vote across party lines, I'll even dance a jig while doing it. Unfortunately it seems like a pipe dream at this point.
Surfing with Manson, err, Menson
I'm channel surfing last night/this morning around 4a.m. and I come across this guy. This is Mexican stand-up comedian Eugene Derbez, otherwise known as Marilin Menson. As I was say, I'm channel surfing and come across this cat surrounded by midgets dressed up as alter boys, and a pair of identical twin girls made up to look like Siamese twins. There ought to be a law against this kind of thing, I thought I was having a flashback or something. C'mon, without the picture and links, who would believe this story? "So there I was, happily flipping channels. When all of a sudden, Marilyn Manson appears on my TV with a bunch of midgets and a set of Siamese twins. And did I mention they were all speaking Spanish?" No one I know would buy that. They'd sidestep me faster than Resident Bush at a press conference. So here's a big ol' shout out to the Internet for provided a means of backing up this strange tale with photographic evidence.
Sunday, May 23, 2004
Linkage
CJ has been tossing some wicked links my way lately, they warrant sharing. Check 'em out.
They Rule: They Rule allows you to create maps of the interlocking directories of the top companies in the US in 2004. It takes as its focus the boards of some of the most powerful U.S. companies, which share many of the same directors.
On Lisa Rein's Radar: Quicktime archives of damn near everything that matters.
Perfect Foreign Policy
The Tao te Ching should be required reading for any leader. Our country's current Commander In Chief needs to read this chapter daily.
Weapons are the tools of violence;
all decent men detest them.
Weapons are the tools of fear;
a decent man will avoid them
except in the direst necessity
and, if compelled, will use them
only with the utmost restraint.
Peace is his highest value.
If the peace has been shattered,
how can he be content?
His enemies are not demons,
but human beings like himself.
He doesn't wish them personal harm.
Nor does he rejoice in victory.
How could he rejoice in victory
and delight in the slaughter of men?
He enters a battle gravely,
with sorrow and with great compassion,
as if he were attending a funeral.
- Molliwogg
Andy Kaufman Lives, sort of.
Andy Kaufman no-showed the DOA bash marking the 20th anniversary of his "death." But guest of honor or no guest of honor, it sounds like it was a lot of fun. Check out a review here, another review here, and some pictures from Act III here. With any other celebrity it would end there. A celebration fitting of a legacy, then back to the daily grind. But come on folks, this is
Andy Kaufman we're talking about, it only gets weirder from here.
Check out this fake press release that wound up on Yahoo heralding the return of Andy, and to promote his new blog. Yes, not is Andy Kaufman alive and well, but completely in synch with the digital age. Must be all that Transcendental Meditation. (Check out Snopes and Zap2it for more information.)
Then there's the mysterious Enrique Presley, his connection with Stephen Maddox, and the strange case of the Houdini postcards. Conspiracy theorists are picking this mystery apart on two separate message boards, one here, the other here. I warn you though, the theories presented in these threads can get a little esoteric at times, so you may want to bring a tin foil hat along for safety's sake.
Via the above mentioned threads came this image. Who's face is that on the right hand side? Speaking of images, much time and effort has been spent in an attempt the decipher the significance of these four images.
And last, but certainly not least, comes the announcement that Tony Clifton & his Cliftones are planning a nationwide tour. This is the officially sanctioned Bob Zmuda version mind you, so the conspiracy rating is only a "who turned out the lights?," rather than a magic bullet. Still the opportunity to see one half of the original Tony Clifton is not to be taken lightly.
All the fuss, all the hype, is pure Kaufman. Andy Kaufman is dead, long live Andy Kaufman.
Some other Kaufman links worth checking out include: Andy Lives, The Andy Kaufman Home Page, and Andy Kaufman.org.
Friday, May 21, 2004
Fire Dancer III
Fire Dancer IV
Thursday, May 20, 2004
Fun Tip of the Day
It is unwise to go out drinking then top the night off with a 7-11 chili dog. Especially if you are a vegetarian. This report was brought to you live from the seventh level of gastric hell and the letter O.
Flyers
Monday, May 17, 2004
Home Sweet Street
Alien Artichoke
Sunday, May 16, 2004
UFO's & Ball Lightning
Nearly lost amongst the ugliness surrounding the beheading in Iraq was this little news item...
- A videotape aired Monday on national television showed a series of brilliant objects flying at more than 11,480 feet over southern Campeche state. The tape was filmed March 5 by air force pilots using a video camera equipped with an infrared lens.
The objects appear to accelerate rapidly and change course suddenly. At least one crew member testified in a videotaped interview that the objects encircled the military jet at a distance of at least two miles. - KTVU
I'm not a believer in aliens (Hell, I was pissed off during Muppets in Space when the Great Gonzo was revealed to be an alien instead of a Whatever). But I'd like to be. Because let's face it, how frigging cool would that be? My current belief system is split evenly between wanting to believe, a healthy amount of skepticism and a deep appreciation for the possibilities of unreal things suddenly becoming real. Remember the Coelacanth? Thought to be extinct for millions of years until some guy caught one while fishing. The Megamouth shark did not exist in the minds of men until the Navy pulled anchor one sunny afternoon in Hawaii. Giant squids were regulated to fiction until they started washing up on shore.
So I try to keep an open mind when it comes to this kind of stuff. Besides, it's a lot of fun to read about. Which brings us back to the Mexican UFO's.
What the hell are those things? Believers will tell you this is the most significant advancement in the pursuit of extraterrestrial life since the award-winning documentary Men in Black. Not to be left out, scientists are developing a few theories of their own.
MEXICO CITY (Reuters) - A cluster of mysterious objects that surrounded a Mexican Air Force plane, alarming the pilots and sparking a UFO scare, could be a weather phenomenon known as ball lightning, a scientist said on Friday.
"Just as you have lightning between clouds and ground, you can also have it within the clouds and sometimes ball lightning can develop. I feel this is one of these rare events," said Herrera, based at Mexico's National Autonomous University. - Reuters
Ball lightning is interesting stuff, some scientists don't even believe it exists. So we're down to UFO's, which most people believe don't exist, or ball lightning, which may or not exist. That really clarifies things. Whatever they are, it'll be fun to see where (if anywhere) the investigations into this will go.
Friday, May 14, 2004
Fire Dancer II
Two Turntables...
Thursday, May 13, 2004
Overheard last night
"I'm going to go with Jesus and Buddha...and C3-PO."
Blue
Fire Dancer
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
I was driving, but I didn't exhale.
Ignition interlock devices. Pass a breathalyzer test or your car won't start. Good idea or bad?
If you have been convicted of drunk driving many states now require that you have an ignition interlock installed in your car. Most people would concur that this is a reasonable measure and a pretty decent idea.
But what about using this as a preventative measure? Install these devices in call cars. If you are drunk you don't drive. Why should we allow completely preventable accidents to continue?
In New Mexico Democratic state Rep. Ken Martinez introduced a bill that would have made them mandatory in all vehicles there by 2009. It may not have made it through the Senate but it did pass in the House with a vote of 45-22. The phrase "California emissions" keeps flashing through my head at the thought of any state passing a law like this.
I certainly wouldn't object to being required to "blow" before I go. I won't drive if I have been drinking. I have always been very hardline with myself on this. I have ingrained it so deeply on my psyche that even when my judgment is impaired by being drunk I don't consider it an option. (If I have been drinking I will ride with someone who has been drinking, which is just as bad though.)
I have been a bartender and realize that I am unusual in this respect. The vast majority will drive after a couple of drinks. Many will drive when questionable and a smaller, but large enough, group will drive when they definitely shouldn't.
Preventative devices could almost eliminate the possibility. Not everyone will agree that this is a good thing. People will argue that this violates rights or that this is punishing people for a crime they haven't committed.
Piffle I say. Driving is a privilege. They don't let me drive without my glasses. Blind people aren't allowed to drive at all. You have to pass a test and be issued a license to legally drive. Why is that any different than taking an blood alcohol level pop quiz every time you drive? - Molliwogg
Eve of Destruction
- The eastern world it is explodin',
Violence flarin', bullets loadin',
You're old enough to kill but not for votin',
You don't believe in war, what's that gun you're totin',
And even the Jordan river has bodies floatin',
But you tell me over and over and over again my friend,
Ah, you don't believe we're on the eve of destruction.
Don't you understand, what I'm trying to say?
Can't you see the fear that I'm feeling today?
If the button is pushed, there's no running away,
There'll be noone to save with the world in a grave,
Take a look around you, boy, it's bound to scare you, boy,
But you tell me over and over and over again my friend,
Ah, you don't believe we're on the eve of destruction.
Yeah, my blood's so mad, feels like coagulatin',
I'm sittin' here, just contemplatin',
I can't twist the truth, it knows no regulation,
Handful of Senators don't pass legislation,
And marches alone can't bring integration,
When human respect is disintegratin',
This whole crazy world is just too frustratin',
And you tell me over and over and over again my friend,
Ah, you don't believe we're on the eve of destruction.
Think of all the hate there is in Red China!
Then take a look around to Selma, Alabama!
Ah, you may leave here, for four days in space,
But when you return, it's the same old place,
The poundin' of the drums, the pride and disgrace,
You can bury your dead, but don't leave a trace,
Hate your next-door-neighbor, but don't forget to say grace,
And you tell me over and over and over and over again my friend,
Ah, you don't believe we're on the eve of destruction. - Barry McGuire
The more things change, the more they stay the same.
United States of Beer
Orange Flower II
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
Pepper Gomez
Pepper Gomez, former professional wrestler and a friend of mine's father, passed away last Thursday at the age of 77.
"Gomez began wrestling professionally in 1953 in Portland and Seattle before arriving nine years later in the Bay Area, where he raised his arms in triumph in venues such as the Cow Palace and the former Oakland Coliseum." Contra Costa Times
I was in a bar last night and the subject of Pepper came up. No fewer than four people unrelated to the conversation jumped in with their own Pepper stories, some they saw for themselves, some they heard from others, all of them told with a smile.
Monday, May 10, 2004
File under geek parenting
The original Star Wars (A New Hope) came out in May 1977. I was five years old (09.20.1971), going on six. Empire Strikes Back came out May 1980. I was eight years old, going on nine.
Return of the Jedi came out May 1983. I was eleven years old, going on twelve.
My daughter, a/z/e (Yes, those are her initials. Now you know where I get it from.), is a huge Star Wars fan-not quite beating her old man, but huge nonetheless.
The Phantom Menace came out in May 1999. My daughter was five years old (08.09.93), going on six. Attack of the Clones came out May 2002. She was eight years old, going on nine. Episode III will come out May 2005. She will be eleven years old, going on twelve.
I think that's kinda cool.
Sunday, May 09, 2004
Graffiti & Toilets
Man on the Moon
"Before Kaufman died (or "died") on May 16, 1984, he told several friends that he was planning to fake his death, disappear and return in 20 years, precisely. So, on May 16, 2004, Comic Relief, the charity organization Zmuda founded in 1985, will present . . . something. Something secretive, something at House of Blues on Sunset Strip. Title: Andy Kaufman - Dead or Alive?" via the awesome article by L.A. Weekly titled Uncle Andy's Fun Afterlife
With any other dead celebrity (excluding Elvis), this wouldn't be an issue. With Andy, you never know.
Fattening Facts
Fascinating facts via the Supersize Me website.
- In 1972, we spent 3 billion a year on fast food - today we spend more than 110 billion
- McDonald's feeds more than 46 million people a day - more than the entire population of Spain
- French fries are the most eaten vegetable in America
- You would have to walk for seven hours straight to burn off a Super Sized Coke, fry and Big Mac
- In the U.S., we eat more than 1,000,000 animals an hour
- McDonald's calls people who eat a lot of their food "Heavy Users"
- 40% of American meals are eaten outside the home
Friday, May 07, 2004
Ketchup
Thursday, May 06, 2004
Badly Soiled
Justified, Poor Training or Racism?
Recently, in a little neighborhood bar where everybody knows everybody's name, I witnessed a very heated discussion over the shooting of Jahar Perez by Officer Jason Sery of the Portland Police Department. The exchange was between two average blue collar workers around the age of 50 and a woman in her 40's.
We'll call the first man Sarge. Sarge has a safety and security related specialization in his current career and a military background. Although he is an extremely calm, sweet, dignified man he is also certified to carry a gun and has a right wing, idealistic, 50's soda fountain worldview ala Andy Griffith.
Obviously, Sarge felt that Officer Sery was correct to shoot Mr. Perez. He does have some good arguments to support his position, assuming the facts we been given are accurate. Sery was within the law and behaved as he was trained to do. In law enforcement it is often kill or be killed. Perez was behaving in a manner that led Sery to believe he and his partner were in danger.
In Sarge's opinion this wouldn't be an issue if Mr. Perez had simply followed the instructions of the police. If the cops say put your hands up, you put your hands up unless you are up to no good, right? What reason do you have not to comply if your intentions are not suspect and assumed dangerous?
The other man is just your average Joe. Non-descript vocation and no visual clues as to his political bent. Clearly not on the extreme left and could even be mistaken for a right winger at first glance. A mistake that is revealed by his vociferous opinions on this subject. I doubt he supports gay marriage but he's no Republican yes man.
Joe doesn't present as clear an argument. He makes up for this in passion of his convictions. Sery is a murderer. He shot a man in cold blood for no reason and it could have been you and it could have been me. Not only is Sery a murderer, all cops are corrupt. Supporting arguments are the anecdotal evidence of his and his acquaintances'. Money stolen from wallets in arrests, unnecessarily rough treatment, profiling, and similar stories of Portland's finest not behaving very finely.
While the arguments are not coherent the honesty of the fear is compelling. He may not be able to debate the topic well but he feels very deeply any citizen runs an unduly heightened risk of death in interactions with Portland Police.
The woman is a recent divorcee dropped from a nicely middle class existence to a more blue
collar, working stiff status. Lillith is a little more to the left but not extreme. Relatively intelligent and a little kooky. Her values clearly derived in the 60's.
Her stance is that this is pure racism. She indicates the predominately anglo patrons of the bar. None of them would have been shot in a minor traffic stop. They shot the guy because he was black. She isn't saying this is white sheets and crosses on the lawn style racism. She is saying it is the black man in the "hood" is assumed guilty until proven innocent style racism. They wouldn't have shot a soccer mom doing exactly the same thing Perez did.
None of them was overly intoxicated. They don't have a history of unruly behavior in that bar. Regardless of their normal behavior they were all screaming at each other over this issue.
After watching the testimony and training video of Officer Jason Sery I have my own strong opinion. This is poor management. In my opinion Sery was either poorly trained, not suited to the profession, had other issues that were affecting his ability to perform as a police officer or was carrying out bad policy. Training, hiring, performance evaluation, and policy making are all management issues.
Ultimately I feel that all three people were right. He did what he was trained to do. Cops are going to become jaded and possibly corrupt because of the job. The statistical chances of a cop being shot by a young black man in a bad neighborhood are probably greater than those a of white woman in the suburbs.
None of this excuses the fact that when they shoot unarmed citizens the police are not doing their job. As taxpayers we really are their ultimate employers and shooting the boss is a bad idea no matter what your profession.
Wednesday, May 05, 2004
Gargoyle
Quoting Simmons
"To me the coolest stuff about American culture-be it language, dress or attitude-comes from the underclass. Always has and, I believe, always will. The problem is that street values are usually not nurturing. The street can teach you survival skills that are very useful. But they're not designed to help you grow as a spiritual being or mature as a whole person. It is that contrast between street knowledge and traditional values that frightens mainstream people about hip-hop and other forms of street expression." - from Life & Def by Russell Simmons
Monday, May 03, 2004
Orange Flower
Playtime
Quoting Kinison
"If there is one thing I learned in the ministry, it's that you've got to get people's attention, but you also have to have the concepts and information to back up that kind of an attitude once you have their interest. Anyone can go out onstage and start beating people over the head with rubber chickens. That'll get people's attention; real comedy doesn't just make people laugh and think, but makes them laugh and change." - Sam Kinison
Sunday, May 02, 2004
Difficult times.
"Jason Sery has been Linnton's assigned Neighborhood Police officer for a long time. He has been very helpful to us and diligent about making himself available to us and attending all of our meetings. A card has been sent from the neighborhood with our best wishes in this most difficult time for him. We will miss him on May 5 at our potluck and meeting." - From the Neighborhood Activist pull-out of the The Northwest Examiner (May 2004).
As a former (and eventually future) resident of Linnton, I'm putting the neighborhood on notice. In the event I murder any unarmed civilians, in lieu of cards, I respectfully request a balloon bouquet, and maybe one of those cakes with a file baked inside.
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