Saturday, May 31, 2003
Quote
Never mind what they're selling, it's what your buying.
Friday, May 30, 2003
Fictional war?
"For bureaucratic reasons we settled on one issue, weapons of mass destruction, because it was the one reason everyone could agree on," Mr Wolfowitz tells the magazine
They come to light, moreover, just two days after Mr Wolfowitz's immediate boss, Donald Rumsfeld, the Defence Secretary, conceded for the first time that the arms might never be found.-Independent
"This could conceivably be the greatest intelligence hoax of all time. I doubt it, but we have to ask," Jane Harman, the senior Democrat on the US's House Select Committee on Intelligence, told The Times.-Yahoo
The Justice Department has begun using its expanded counterterrorism powers to seize millions of dollars from foreign banks that do business in the United States, creating tensions with the State Department and some allies.
Officials at the State Department, however, have raised concerns over the practice - in part because most of the seizures have involved fraud and money-laundering investigations that are unrelated to terrorism.-NY Times
The government defended the closed bidding process, citing national security considerations and the emergency nature of the work, which called for a large and experienced contractor.
But Mr Waxman yesterday noted that Halliburton had garnered about $425m in additional Iraq-related projects through Logcap III, the separate army contract won in December 2001. One of the Iraq projects under Logcap III was assigned nearly a year before the war began.-Yahoo
LONDON (AFP) - In the midst of negotiating a steep tax cuts package, the US government shelved a report that showed the United States faces future federal budget deficits of more than 44.2 trillion dollars.-Yahoo
"We like nonfiction, yet we live in fictitious times. We live in a time where we have fictitious election results that elect a fictitious president. We live in a time where we have a man sending us to war for fictitious reasons. Whether it's the fiction of duct tape, or the fiction of orange alerts. We are against this war, Mr. Bush. Shame on you, Mr. Bush, shame on you. And any time you got the Pope and the Dixie Chicks against you, your time is up. Thank you very much."-Michael Moore
So what's more offensive-a president lying about a blow job, or one lying about war (i.e. death), the economy, etc., etc..
"But I don't give a fuck who they're screwin' in private, I wanna know who they're screwin' in public"-Spearhead
Monday, May 26, 2003
Phil Knight, asshole at large.
As if pimping out the world's children wasn't enough, Nike had to go and take over Will Vinton.
I'm buying a flamethrower
Someone tried to break into my house Friday night, while I was home. Talk about your bummer trip-waking up in the middle of the night to someone trying to get into your bedroom window. I know this has happened to a lot of people, but for those of you who haven't had the opportunity to enjoy this sadistic little nugget of joy, imagine waking up and having the phrase, "Oh my god someone's outside the window" be true.
Out of the fryer...
Dressed as a McDonald's employee, an undercover officer worked the drive-through window March 21 and April 25 and spotted enough wrongdoing inside customers - cars to warrant six arrests and 29 citations.-News Press
Yeah, this is a good idea. Let's think of more disguises for the cops, more ways to keep an eye on a naughty, naughty society. Now, now Billy, we must always tip the friendly counterman you don't want to be doing 5-10 down at Rikers do you?
Friday, May 23, 2003
Smithers!
Ten aeroplanes will take to the skies, equipped with cloud-seeding agents in an attempt to induce rain away from the city, allowing holidaymakers and visiting heads of state to enjoy dry weather below.-Times Online
This kind of reminds of when Mr. Burns tried to block out the sun. Excellent.
Quoting Zmuda
"Andy's biggest fear was not that he would die, but that he would not be remembered. Given the perspective of time, I now know that did not happen, that Andy's name and work are remembered, and fondly. The things that he did will persist, on these pages and in the memories of those he touched.
To this day I still suffer the loss of my best friend. All the movies and books about Andy will never fill the void. His life was a testament to those kindred artists who push the limits higher and higher through their art. If you only get one thing out of this book, I hope it is this: don't take your friends for granted. For whatever reason, they have decided to share their lives with you, so cherish them. I'm proud Andy was my friend, my best friend.
Finally I've often been asked, "Had Andy lived, what would he be doing?"
The answer is obvious: I truly believe he would have faked his death." - Bob Zmuda from Andy Kaufman Revealed! Best Friend Tells All.
Tuesday, May 20, 2003
Orange Sunshine
Am I the only one getting sick of this terror alert business? It seems like every couple of weeks the government is trying to work us into a panic. The sky is falling, the sky is falling. WHEN? When is it falling??? I'm so sick of this color coded rainbow of fun. They've cried wolf so many times that by the time something real does happen we'll all have long stopped listening to them. Unless there is a plane, missile, gaggle of suicide bombers, or giant lizard unleashed by a nuclear explosion heading this way enough with damn colors already.
Monday, May 19, 2003
When nerds kill.
Josh Cooke, a 19-year-old in Oakton, Virginia, owned a trenchcoat like the one worn by Neo, the character played by Keanu Reeves in the movie, and kept a poster of his hero on his bedroom wall. Then he bought a gun similar to the one used by Neo to fight evil.
In February, he shot his father and mother in the basement of their home and then called the police. His lawyers say he believed that he was living inside the Matrix.-The Guardian
$$$
The WWE has promised to make Portland a regular stop -- perhaps four times a year -- and Smith said that translates into an economic impact of $15 million based on four shows.-Oregonlive.com
The curse of the quarter.
Age was cited as the official cause of the Old Man's demise. But conspiracy theorists take note: since the Mint inaugurated the coin series, a string of unfortunate events has befallen many of its subjects.-CNN
Where, oh where is Scooby-Doo when you need him?
Sunday, May 18, 2003
Shocking
LONDON, May 17 - It's official. After intensive research, scientists have concluded that politicians lie.
"Politicians need to be more honest about lying," he told the newspaper.-MSNBC
Did they really need to do a study to "discover" this?
Study shows air is good for you.
Intensive research concludes fire burns.
Extensive studies show most studies are redundant.
Saturday, May 17, 2003
Battle of the blab
I don't know who's funnier, George W. or Baghdad Bob.
Friday, May 16, 2003
So that's what he meant...
WASHINGTON - In a rare occurrence, conservative watchdogs are siding with liberal groups who say that several provisions of the anti-terror USA Patriot Act are cause for concern by Americans seeking to protect their basic rights.-Fox News
"I'm a uniter, not a divider."-George W. Bush
Thursday, May 15, 2003
Interesting
"The most important thing to know is that the Iraqi soldiers and commanders had left the hospital almost two days earlier," Houssona said. "The night they left, a few of the senior medical staff tried to give Jessica back. We carefully moved her out of intensive care and into an ambulance and began to drive to the Americans, who were just one kilometre away. But when the ambulance got within 300 metres, they began to shoot. There wasn't even a chance to tell them `We have Jessica. Take her.'"-Toronto Star
Verbal Extinction
Linguists estimate that there are 6,809 "living" languages in the world today, but 90 per cent of them are spoken by fewer than 100,000 people, and some languages are even rarer - 46 are known to have just one native speaker.-Independent
Pretty soon the only words left will be, "So long, and thanks for all the fish."
Wednesday, May 14, 2003
Where's Lorax when you need him?
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Autism cases in California nearly doubled over the past four years to more than 20,000 -- a phenomenon whose cause may be difficult to pinpoint because it is not related to population increases or the way the disorder is diagnosed, a state study said on Tuesday.-Yahoo
More than 29.6 million California residents are breathing dirty air, as the outdoor air in 34 counties received an "F" for ozone air pollution (smog), according to the American Lung Association's annual State of the Air report-California Lung Association
They couldn't be related could they? Nah.
BROWNSVILLE, Texas, June 18 (IPS) - Continued high rates of birth defects have been reported in the industrial areas along Mexico's border with Texas state of Texas, despite promises that the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) would address such problems.-Oneworld.org
The Natural Resources Defense Council, for example, described Mr. Bush's policy on the environment in a recent report as a "fundamental threat more sweeping and dangerous than any since the dawn of the modern environmental movement in 1970."-NY Times
Fuck Ashcroft
The case is part of "Operation Pipe Dreams," a national drug crackdown which Attorney General John Ashcroft said stretches from Pittsburgh to Phoenix to southern California.
Prosecutors said Chong sold bongs, pipes and other items used to smoke marijuana on a Web site from September 2001 to February 2003. The items were distributed to stores across the country, including several in western Pennsylvania, prosecutors said.-MSNBC
You know in high school I once made a pipe out of an apple maybe we should seize apple orchards. Better shut down all the toilet paper factories, and while your at it stop production on aluminum cans as well. Bin Laden is still on the run, but by god the world is going to be a safer place now that the government has reigned in the illicit activities of Tommy Chong. If only the president and his KKKlan could get the straws out of their noses and lobbyists out of their asses we could go after real criminals and terrorists instead of creating new ones at home. The DEA can kiss my Ashcroft.
Tuesday, May 13, 2003
Frankenfood
The United States complains that European Union countries including France have halted approvals of new genetically modified crops since late 1998, effectively excluding a growing portion of US farm trade.
In the United States, 75 percent of soy, 34 percent of corn and 71 percent of cotton are biotech crops.-Yahoo
I swear we've become the world's pimp. It's not enough to fatten up the rest of the world with our fast food franchises, now we're trying to force our frankenfood on them. Maybe King George can figure out a way to spin this into another war.
Speaking of freaky food, remember the featherless chicken?
Monday, May 12, 2003
Oh Henry
Yin
"The people who consume the bulk of goods are the people who make them. That is a fact we must never forget -- that is the secret of our prosperity."-Henry Ford
Yang
"Labor union organizations are the worst thing that ever struck the Earth."-Henry Ford
Sunday, May 11, 2003
Nerd Wanted, Must speak Klingon.
And just the other day I was saying how we Oregonians don't have enough to be proud of.
Media Bias?
A search of all news publications and programs archived in the LexisNexis database for the last seven months of the 2000 campaign found 114 stories referencing Bush, the Texas Air National Guard and Alabama. Over that same span, nearly 10 times that many stories--1,076 to be exact--referenced Al Gore and the expression "invented the internet," an allusion to the bogus charge then haunting Gore that he had wildly inflated his role in the online revolution.-Chicago Tribune
Look at the pretty colors
Interesting charts.
Saturday, May 10, 2003
Empress's new clothes?
DUBLIN, Ireland - Sinead O'Connor says she plans to teach religion after quitting the music business this July.-Washington Post
I dig Sinead and all, but if she "has grown tired of being famous and wants to live a normal life," why is she still giving the press updates on her private life?
Wednesday, May 07, 2003
Lord I was born a gambling man...
David Williams' gambling addiction cost him his life savings — almost all of it dumped into the slot machines at Casino Aztar in Indiana.
Williams decided to take action. He sued the casino.
"Casinos cannot come into this state and just take advantage of a bunch of sick people," said his attorney, Terry Noffsinger.-Fox News
First of all, I dig how he refers to the population of Indiana as "a bunch sick people." But I was wondering, if this guy wins, does that mean crackheads can sue the government for bringing in all that cocaine in the 80's?
Tuesday, May 06, 2003
Staring Contest
"A bill that recognizes professional wrestling as strictly entertainment - not a sport - clears the way for an exhibition later this month.
The bill bars pro wrestlers from hitting with clenched fists, gouging eyes, pulling hair or whiskers, deliberate elbowing, twisting or pulling ears and flying through the air and landing on opponents."-KATU
Um, that's pretty much all wrestlers do.
Quote
I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.-George Burns
Monday, May 05, 2003
What if "where it goes" is here?
"The president said that the central worry is not what they've got, but where it goes," said an official familiar with the talks between Mr. Bush and Mr. Howard.
North Korea has at least 100 nuclear missiles aimed at the United States and will use them if new economic sanctions are imposed against it, a propagandist for the Stalinist state claimed. - Yahoo
Sunday, May 04, 2003
Crass!
Anything and everything can be so easily institutionalized, a poor parody of itself. Itself contained by itself. There's no point in just mouthing some words. The token tantrums just aren't enough, nor is speed and weed and the Positive Creed. Exclusive clubs where the various tribes congratulate each other for doing fuck all will achieve nothing but the strengthening of the status quo-From Yes Sir, I Will by Crass
Tags: crass lyrics, m/a/z/e
Dude
I don't think I say 'dude' enough, that's my June resolution. And to drink more.
Tags: Dude, m/a/z/e
Saturday, May 03, 2003
My favorite stupid joke
Hickory Dickory Dock, three mice ran up the clock, the clock struck one, and the other two got away with minor injuries.
Cock-a-doodle-doo
I live in a pretty dense urban area of Portland, we're talking blocks of apartment buildings, shops, the whole nine yards. You get used to the noise-cars, shopping carts, people talking etc. I've heard it all, from fights to car wrecks. At least I thought I heard it all.
Coming home from a morning cigarette run (quitting smoking isn't exactly working), I heard a rooster crowing. Who keeps a rooster in the city? I never realized how annoying nature's alarm clock was until I heard that thing crow every minute or so for a half hour straight. It's not even 10 am and this day is already too weird for me.
Tags: rooster, WTF, m/a/z/e
Wienerschnitzel
Considering how many human diseases have their roots in primates (AIDS, Ebola, George W. Bush, etc.), how long do you think its going to take for our twinkies to start falling off?
Bad Boys, Bad Boys....
had my very own Cops moment today when watching a news report on the latest identity theft ring to hit Portland, who's face should flash across the screen but my former roommate. And to think, I knew him when he was just a petty criminal. This cat was a character, he shot one of his drunken friends from our balcony with a BB gun to prevent the guy from smashing up his van leading to a series of events that was straight out of America's Funniest Home Videos. It wasn't the last time I woke up to fire trucks and cops outside the house, but it was one of the funniest. Living in that house was like an episode of Friends gone horribly, hilariously wrong, and events like that expedited my getting the hell out of there. Apparently he got into meth shortly after I moved out, and began the downward spiral into various crimes. Still, he was the last person I expected to see on TV on a mellow hung over Saturday morning. I just don't understand with all the great drugs out there, why do people keep going for the ones that turn them into thieves, prostitutes and worse? When was the last time you saw a pothead offer to exchange sexual favors for some weed? Or someone on acid forging checks to support their habit? I seriously believe some people are just hell bent on ruining their lives to the point where anything less than absolute destruction will not suffice. I've known a lot of addicts in my time and they're all the same person-clones. The only thing that differs between them is the method of destruction, whether it's meth, heroin, booze, or whatever. Legalize drugs, just outlaw stupidity.
Friday, May 02, 2003
Just in Time for Prom
The '50s housewife look is back this season.
Thursday, May 01, 2003
Just when I stopped hating the South
ALBANY, Ga. - A year after holding their first integrated prom, some students at Taylor County High School have decided to again hold a separate, private party for whites only. - AP
Maybe they will change the school song to Time Warp.
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