Wednesday, August 20, 2003
Clarification: Litmus Test
Everyone knows the three tests of a great album, right? After spending my obligatory eight hours in suburbia today, it occurred to me that some people may not. So at risk of schooling the schooled, here's your litmus test.
1) Driving. If the music can't stand the test of a road trip or morning commute, its chances are pretty grim. Without the proper soundtrack driving can be a miserable and life threatening experience.
2) Fucking. Time to get lowbrow folks, they don't call is sex, drugs and rock and roll for nothing. It doesn't matter if you're listening to Mozart, Morphine or Motley Crue, if it turns you on, it's all good. However, if you're listening to opera, chances are the only moaning you'll be hearing is coming from the stereo.
3) Drugs. While losing points for being the most obvious of the bunch, the musical drug test is the most important of the bunch. Good music has a profound effect on the drug-addled brain (see Charles Manson, The Beatles), bad music is like a cyanide pill (see Fleetwood Mac, fm radio). I listened to the Yardbirds for eight hours on acid once, try doing that with Billy Ray Cyrus.
Pass any two of the three and you have a keeper on your hands. Should your new album fail two or more, just cross your fingers and hope the used record store will take it off your hands.
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